ThTh : Shame + Parenting

Parent styles 
will respond differently in typical childhood situations. Consider a 4-year-old child spilling juice.

Sergeant Major
“You clumsy child! How many times have I told you not to help yourself to the juice – but no, you never listen? Get out of here because your poor old mother is going to have to clean up after you again.”

We see the characteristics of:

  • Blaming
  • Using shame
  • Not giving a child a chance to help solve the problem
  • Using guilt to manage a child

Compare with the “never mind” rescuing of Jellyfish, the “who cares” of Neglectful/ Too Busy, and “oops got a problem, get a cloth” of BackBone Parent

An imperfect parent? Have you unrealistic goals? (click link) – more tips and helps

We all come from dysfunctional families where we try to prop up a good image to cover the shame and lies of Satan that we’ve brought in to.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. Psalm 34:4-5 (NIV)

Who Holds the Key to Your Heart
by Lysa TerKeurst
… I’d allowed my baby to be aborted.

I can just imagine Satan hissing as he writes his name across the victim’s heart: Shame. I have felt shame’s pain – a deep, constant throbbing of regret from the past mixed with dread of the future.

Let’s look at when shame made its debut. Genesis 2:25 says, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Then Satan slithered onto the scene to deceive Eve. When Eve fell into sin and took Adam with her, their reaction was to hide and cover up their mistake. That’s exactly what I did for so many painful years. But keeping my secret in the darkness allowed Satan use it against me. He is the father of darkness and the author of shame. He would constantly whisper that I was worthless and that if anyone ever found out about my secret they would condemn me.

But that is a lie from the pit of hell. When I finally brought my sin out into the light, God met me there with grace, forgiveness, and healing. Then he gave me the courage to let Him take my shame and use it for His good. I can say without hesitation the thing that has brought me the most healing has been to share my story with other women. Now that I have seen God touching and healing others through my testimony, the shame has gone and freedom has come.

Dear Lord, I thank You for seeing me as pure, clean and spotless and without blemish. You alone have the power to heal those parts of me that I have buried and tried to hide for so long. May Your grace be enough for me today as I trust You to work all things for Your good. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Application Steps:

Write down and meditate on these three truths:

1. By His wounds, I am healed.
2. God never forgets His promises. When He says that nothing I have ever done could make Him stop loving me, it is absolute truth. His love for me cannot be shaken.
3. Jesus died of a broken heart, so that I don’t have to. He thought of me on that cross, and because of His sacrifice, I am forgiven and set free.


My Bible dictionary defines shame as the following: “disgrace, humiliation, often at hands of an enemy.”

We have an enemy in this world who leads us into temptation. Ultimately, if temptation overtakes us then we fall into sin which brings on a sense of shame. The feelings of guilt, d isgrace, and humiliation that we experience as a result of shame can bind us and paralyze our relationship with God.

Remember that Jesus Christ defeated Satan, with the cross. Because of that, we don’t have to be held captive to shame at the hands of our enemy any longer.

Power Verses:

Psalm 118:5, “In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free.” (NIV)

Matthew 10:26, “There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.” (NIV)

1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (NIV)

Revelation 3:18, “I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich, and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.” (NIV)

Proverbs 31 Ministries

“If Children Live”

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte – Complete version

%d bloggers like this: