ThTh : Rejection + Parenting

It is common to be parenting from a place of inadequacy – all because of our frailty as humans.

Because of our undealt-with rejection from days gone by, we become a ‘wallflower’, hide behind the newspaper, or studiously watch TV in order to protect ourselves from more rejection. We isolate ourselves from others. Withdraw. Try to minimise our hurt that is likely in relationships.

Gladly because of God through his son Jesus Christ, we don’t have to keep living like that.  We can live lives of freedom. Free from hurts and bondage.

Dr Grant Mullen : Overcoming Rejection

Everyone has had a rejection experience. Rejection is so painful because God made us social beings – in His image. We are meant to be interdependent and interconnected. When that is not happening, we ache.

It was God’s plan that we would all have perfect families, that every child would be a wanted child, and that children would all receive unconditional love in all circumstances, that failure would never be a threat, they would never have to be afraid to be themselves in a perfect home.

Originally God’s plans were that parents would be like a mirror to reflect God’s image to the children. But in the fall of man, the mirror cracked and we have never been able to see the true nature of God in our parents.

So we have all had areas of hurt, wounding, and dysfunction, because we didn’t have these healthy, emotional models to follow and imitate.    

You get married because you think they will meet all your emotional needs. Continuous conflict of unmet expectations develops. Rejection creeps into marriages. The problem in marriage is we all bring emotional baggage into marriage. It is the clash of baggage from your own past and your family of origin that causes most marriage problems, not so much your spouse.

Most of us live on volcanoes of unhealed emotions from our childhood and we just live on the big bump. We live in a community of people all doing the same thing. But there’s an eruption button which will release your pile of unhealed childish emotions.

Satan wants to shame, humiliate, and embarrass you. The key to not having your button hit is to have your volcano removed by healing all of the emotional wounds and injuries from your childhood that your bring into marriage. So get your baggage removed first, before you get married [and have children].
… 
When we are in pain, we withdraw and live behind fortresses. When you have been greatly wounded by any emotional trauma (we are talking about rejection this time) people choose the pain of loneliness and the pain of isolation rather than take the risk of social interaction.

God is calling us today to unload the baggage, receive healing for the wounds, get rid of the lies, and then you can stand up straight and live the abundant life of freedom that God is calling us to.

Realise that God created us different and unique. To not accept ourselves implies that God made a mistake. Jesus totally accepts us the way we are. He rescued us when we were at our worst and brought us into the Kingdom, so he is certainly not going to abandon you now that you are his child. God accepts you because of who you are, not what you do, or what you look like.

Jesus knows about rejection and was not exempt from emotional pain. He’s been there. Isaiah 53:2-5 – Jesus was the only man ever born to be wounded. We were not. It was never God’s intention that we would be born and wounded. But we were, because we live in a fallen world. Jesus came perfect, to take all of our wounds from us. He came so that we would be set free. Jesus wants you saved and transformed. This is a good deal! Change your life forever.

Videos and Articles are available from : www.drgrantmullen.com

Overcoming Rejection

Overcoming Rejection
Available in CD, DVD & DIRECT DOWNLOAD

Have you ever felt rejected?
Why is rejection so painful?
What does rejection do to our personalities?
Is there anything we can do about it?

Join Dr. Mullen as he explains how to recognise
and recover from the wounds of rejection

More on Overcoming Rejection

A counsellor who can work with you on these issues – in Hamilton , NZ : www.2Restore.wordpress.com

MM : Scissor Trails + Screwdriver Puddles

Let me tell you a bit about my family:Scissor Trails is my 10.5 yo girl and Screwdriver Puddles is my 8.5 yo boy. I don’t call them by these names usually.

Scissor Trails (T) is not a “tidy kiwi” and leaves evidence of her Being all around the house – clothes, books, papers, tissues. This is not helped by regular cutting, trimming, cardmaking, and lapbooking – all over the house. One down-side of being a one house schoolroom!

Screwdriver Puddles (P) loves making electrical circuits with Brainbox (3 sets of it) plus the DSE electrical experiment kit from last Christmas. He pulls old gadgets apart. Screws, wires etc accumulate in a circle around where he happened to sit at the time of the latest ‘experience’ (his 4yo word for experiment). Must also mention his love for playing with water too.

Now, the following doesn’t really have anything to do with the above!

A few days ago I was chatting with (P) about names for babies.
“What names did you want for me?”
“I wanted to call you Aiden.
“How come I’m not called Aiden?”
“Cos your Dad didn’t want the name for you.”
Pause.
“I think you can call me Aiden.”

In a slow part of the Sunday church service the next day he started writing his name. I wrote Aiden in brackets. He beamed a smile at me, then continued to write his full name with Aiden put in as the second name.

What’s in a name? More than we think.

ThTh : Shame + Parenting

Parent styles 
will respond differently in typical childhood situations. Consider a 4-year-old child spilling juice.

Sergeant Major
“You clumsy child! How many times have I told you not to help yourself to the juice – but no, you never listen? Get out of here because your poor old mother is going to have to clean up after you again.”

We see the characteristics of:

  • Blaming
  • Using shame
  • Not giving a child a chance to help solve the problem
  • Using guilt to manage a child

Compare with the “never mind” rescuing of Jellyfish, the “who cares” of Neglectful/ Too Busy, and “oops got a problem, get a cloth” of BackBone Parent

An imperfect parent? Have you unrealistic goals? (click link)
www.parentsinc.org.nz/ – more tips and helps

We all come from dysfunctional families where we try to prop up a good image to cover the shame and lies of Satan that we’ve brought in to.  
www.drgrantmullen.com

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. Psalm 34:4-5 (NIV)

Who Holds the Key to Your Heart
by Lysa TerKeurst
… I’d allowed my baby to be aborted.

I can just imagine Satan hissing as he writes his name across the victim’s heart: Shame. I have felt shame’s pain – a deep, constant throbbing of regret from the past mixed with dread of the future.

Let’s look at when shame made its debut. Genesis 2:25 says, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Then Satan slithered onto the scene to deceive Eve. When Eve fell into sin and took Adam with her, their reaction was to hide and cover up their mistake. That’s exactly what I did for so many painful years. But keeping my secret in the darkness allowed Satan use it against me. He is the father of darkness and the author of shame. He would constantly whisper that I was worthless and that if anyone ever found out about my secret they would condemn me.

But that is a lie from the pit of hell. When I finally brought my sin out into the light, God met me there with grace, forgiveness, and healing. Then he gave me the courage to let Him take my shame and use it for His good. I can say without hesitation the thing that has brought me the most healing has been to share my story with other women. Now that I have seen God touching and healing others through my testimony, the shame has gone and freedom has come.

Dear Lord, I thank You for seeing me as pure, clean and spotless and without blemish. You alone have the power to heal those parts of me that I have buried and tried to hide for so long. May Your grace be enough for me today as I trust You to work all things for Your good. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Application Steps:

Write down and meditate on these three truths:

1. By His wounds, I am healed.
2. God never forgets His promises. When He says that nothing I have ever done could make Him stop loving me, it is absolute truth. His love for me cannot be shaken.
3. Jesus died of a broken heart, so that I don’t have to. He thought of me on that cross, and because of His sacrifice, I am forgiven and set free.

Reflections:

My Bible dictionary defines shame as the following: “disgrace, humiliation, often at hands of an enemy.”

We have an enemy in this world who leads us into temptation. Ultimately, if temptation overtakes us then we fall into sin which brings on a sense of shame. The feelings of guilt, d isgrace, and humiliation that we experience as a result of shame can bind us and paralyze our relationship with God.

Remember that Jesus Christ defeated Satan, with the cross. Because of that, we don’t have to be held captive to shame at the hands of our enemy any longer.

Power Verses:

Psalm 118:5, “In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free.” (NIV)

Matthew 10:26, “There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.” (NIV)

1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (NIV)

Revelation 3:18, “I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich, and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.” (NIV)

Proverbs 31 Ministries 
www.Proverbs31.org

“If Children Live”

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte – Complete version

MM : I Love MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)

Handy Home-made Toys – bottles, shakers, books, shapes

Terrific Tips

Children and Chores – teaching responsibility. Start as you intend to carry on. Laughing

The MOPS Story – where it started

off the website: “What MOPS has provided for me… is a welcome break; a chance to make new friends; the opportunity to know I’m not the only mom who goes through the struggles and joys of raising young children…”

“If I had 30 minutes to do anything I liked, I’d …” – aah! Scroll down for more responses to different situations.

Resources for mothers provided by MOPS.

When stressed, women “Tend and Befriend” whereas men “Fight or Flight” – is there life after MOPS?

Is there a MOPS group near you?
Visit www.mops.org and search for a group in LHS box.
In New Zealand, check out : www.mops.org.nz/groups/.  

ThTh : Fear + Parenting

Fear is not overcome by dealing with the fear; it is overcome by DOING the fearful thing. You overcome fear by facing the tiger with your fear and discovering that you can walk away alive. In time you laugh at the tiger, for it was only paper. But if your child flees from the tiger, and you call it fear and then offer sympathy or protection, you legitimise the child’s fear and the paper tiger gets bigger and more threatening every day. If you treat the paper tiger with indifference, the child will feel the same. Wild animals learn what to be afraid of and what to tolerate by watching their parents. What do you want, a pitiful, weak child, cowering for comfort, or a tiger tamer? You will make the child into the image of your own responses.

Breaking the Bondage of Shyness and Fear by M.Pearl, January February 2001
~

“Some degree of fear is natural in parents. We love our kids so much that the thought of anything bad happening to them sends us into a panic. Yet, if we’re not careful, this caution can become oppressive. When we let fear dominate our parenting, we can actually shield our kids from the very things they need to be dealing with.”

  • Surrender Your Children to God
  • Live with Hope
  • Foster Responsibility
  • Pray, Pray, Pray

Sheila Wray Gregoire is a freelance writer in Belleville, Ontario.
Christian Parenting Today, July/August 2000, Vol. 12, No. 6, Page 51
~

Teaching point one: We don’t parent alone.

We commit our children to our heavenly Father, who always watches us. God is always available. Create extended families to provide more of a sense of community. Pray in local ‘grandparents’ or ‘aunties’ to care for your children. Scripture tells us he longs to hear from us. Read James 1:5. All we have to do when we are unsure about a decision is to call on the Father. He will readily disperse the wisdom we so desperately need. It’s there for the asking.

Teaching point two: God enables us to do what he requires.

At some points in our lives we can feel overwhelmed, like there is no way out and we are going under. Read 1 Samuel 17:37. When David was about to fight Goliath, he remembered how God had given him the strength he needed before, and trusted him in his current time of need.  All of us face our own Goliaths; they just look different.The most frightening things can happen to our children; no matter what we do to protect them, it is sometimes not enough. Only God is the ultimate protector. Read Isaiah 41:10.

Teaching point three: Pray without ceasing.

1 Thessalonians 5:17, “Pray continually.” We pray without ceasing to the God who never ceases to hear us.

* Read 1 Peter 5:7. God cares about what we care about: these children he has entrusted to us. Listening to our every call, God grants us wisdom to be the responsible parents he made us to be, and he tells us to call on him anytime we need him. Lovingly he meets our needs. Read Matthew 7:11. God is waiting to give to us and to bless us.

* Read Proverbs 22:6. God instructs us to train our children. He assures us that if we do, that training will somehow stay with our children. What a comfort it is to know that if we obey God, even if our children stray from the right path we have shown them, they can come back to it. We see this illustrated with the prodigal son. What a perfect picture of how God is with us. Even when we blow it, we are welcomed back into his arms. How wonderful that God our Father can show us how to parent. Even the things that were never modeled for us, God can teach us.

Anne Peterson, a regular contributor to Christian Bible Studies. www.ChristianBibleStudies.com
~

When we face the fears of the unknown, we turn to what we know. To what is true. Because that Truth sets us free from the burdens of fear.

Here is truth:
God knows everything.
He is still in control.
He is good.
He is all powerful.
He has a plan for our lives – to give us a future and a hope.
He loves us.
He will never leave us.

And this truth sets us free from our fears, no matter what circumstances we face. This truth not only comforts us; when we pass this truth on, it comforts others.

Carol Kuykendal, MOMSense Radio, March 2004. www.mops.org
~

The miracle of love takes away our fear.

Shalom,
Johanna

WW :Scrapbooking

Layouts
– only need one link! layouts galore, for free

** http://www.stickersnfun.com/nl183.html – can sign up for newsletter (see RHS), Aussie based

http://www.stickersnfun.com/sketches.asp – scroll down a bit. Make sure you have a layout folder on your computer. I open the sketch page from this site, block just the title and sketches, then ‘print’ ‘selection’ as pdf.
A quick and easy way to save to your computer for future inspiration for cardmaking or scrapmaking.

Other interesting sites:

http://www.twopeasinabucket.com/
http://www.twopeasinabucket.com/sitemap/

http://scrapbook.com/resources.html

http://www.stumbleupon.com/tag/scrapbooking/ (I think you need to be signed up to www.stumbleupon.com but there’s so many interesting sites!)
http://www.stumbleupon.com/tag/scrapbook/

There’s plenty out there and I can’t find the cool site I visited recently – och! another time …

Also google ‘digital scrapbooking’ or ‘digi scrapbook’.

http://www.freedigitalscrapbooking.com/index.html